I'm becoming a grown-up

At the *tender* age of 26,I am finally feeling like I am starting to become more of a grown-up.This morning I went to the bank in order to enquire about a personal loan,and while there,started the process to change my savings account {which I've had at this exact same bank since I was born} to a more adult checking account.I won't have a cheque book {I have an intense hatred for writing cheques},but the bank lady told me it would be better for my credit record if I did this.

I hate having debt,and have made a point of never making any.At the moment the only debt I have is my monthly cellphone bill,the rest I pay cash for.My dad taught me this,and I still have a big fear for being in debt.But my JC has some very big debts {well,big in my eyes} that he needs to pay,and since he doesn't have the best credit record,I'm going to try and get a loan.I'd personally rather pay off the bank than pay off some crappy lawyer whose whole education was a complete and utter waste of time and money for his parents.

So please,wish me luck,and send up a few silent prayers that I will get this loan.It will make me very,very happy.

I hate money

My best friend L and I have been chatting the whole week on Facebook,and there has been a very distinct theme to most of the conversations.Money,or the lack thereof,to be more exact.It basically goes something like this:

L: Ugh,I am so broke,and I still have to do this and this,and it's gona cost a shitload of money.

Me: Ugh,I am so broke,I really wanted to do this and this,but everything costs a shitload of money.

So yeah,not very entertaining,but very true.I am so tired of having to be content with the cheapest of everything,and the very minimum of everything.I know,in my rational mind,that there are plenty,plenty of people in this world that are way worse off than I am at the moment,but in my emotional,overly dramatic mind,I am like a little child throwing a tantrum,because I can't get what I want.

I know money is needed to survive,to buy food,clothes,living space,whatever,but that doesn't stop me from TOTALLY hating it.If I had a choice,I would be living up in the mountains in some little wooden cabin,surviving off of what nature provides me,because I am sick and tired of worrying every month about a few pieces of dumbass paper,that I've basically 'spent',even before I've gotten paid.Because month after month,my budget is so completely stretched tight and to the limit,that by the time I get my salary,most everything is spent on the very first day already.That is actually the part that really busts my nuts (if I actually had any),let's make it my metaphorical nuts,because after that,I know that for the rest of the month,I will have to live like a complete recluse,because there won't be money to go out,take out some movies,go visit friends,have a little get-together,have some take-out,nothing.

Like I said,I know I'm much better off than lots of other people,I'm not starving and I still have a place to live and work,but honestly,its really hard to think of the positives,when the negatives are all that consume my mind.

Ok,my money-rant is officially over...at least until the next time I feel the pressure building up.So I'll probably be ranting again next month.

Debbie Downer?No,more like Penny Pathetic

This is getting to be a real trend now.Me being depressed every Friday.Weekends are supposed to be fun!Not for me,I'm just feeling like there's this huge black cloud above my head,and no matter how much I try to stay positive,the week just works at my positivity like an axe,and by Friday I'm in such a state that my whole weekend is ruined.

I got my salary today,and was pleasantly surprised to see that I got a little bit of a raise.Now,in today's economic situation,that is a miracle in itself,but you know what?My raise is supposed to be R250.00,which isn't much,but is still a LOT better than nothing.But my happiness was short lived,when at the very end of my payslip,I saw the amount I would get out after my medical aid and everything was subtracted.My actual raise is only R30!Geez,I can't even buy 2 bottles of Coke with that!

After already feeling like a shithouse rat,this was just too much,and I burst out in tears...in my office...at 9 in the morning.I think my co-workers now think I'm crazy.

Well,their not wrong,I guess.

Feeling bland on Friday

It's nearly lunch time on a Friday,and I'm not even excited that its nearly weekend.I'm always excited for the weekends,even if we don't have anything planned.Not today.I guess I'm starting to feel the funk that a lot of the bloggers I follow have been writing about.I had so hoped it would skip me,but I've never been very lucky,and sure as I'm sitting here,the funk has got me.And unfortunately its not the fun 70's music style I'm talking about.

Firstly,I'm really,really missing my best friend.We chatted again on Facebook this morning,and everytime we talk about when we can maybe get together and see each other again,we end up realising neither one of us has any money for a long trip,and she just started her new job,so she can't take leave yet,and also,she and her boyfriend are still living with other people,so we can't stay with them if we want to visit.And I definitely don't have money to stay in a hotel or something.They happen to live in a very sought after little seaside town,so accommodation is very expensive.

Like I said,I'm completely broke right now,and can therefor not buy any groceries,so the cupboards at home are so empty right now,and it's kind of an attack on my soul having to prepare the same meal every night,because there are only the same 3 or 4 ingredients in the house.I'm not a good cook to begin with,but when your ingredient options are so extremely limited,it makes cooking even more difficult.

JC isn't in a very good mood these days.And like always,he clams up and refuses to talk about whatever is bothering him.But to be quite honest,I'm not even in the mood to try and drag it out of him,because I have my own depressing thoughts to occupy my time,and don't even feel like helping him solve whatever problem he has.What does piss me off though,is that when he is in this type of bad mood,he completely cuts off all physical contact with me.So no real kissing or hand holding or sleeping all snuggled up.That is what really gets me.

I keep thinking about the money we owe,and how we're going to pay it all back and how long it's going to take,and it makes me so sad,because at the rate we are going,we'll only be paid off in 3 years,and then we can only start saving for getting married.It's times like this that I think Brangelina has the right idea,and I just feel like SCREW IT,I refuse to get married,I'm just going to go on like I am right now.

There are some more stuff bothering me,but I don't think it would be wise to write about it,because I'm depressed enough as it is.

I seriously need to get drunk,like pronto!Why is alcohol so freaking expensive?And why can't I get my salary in the half of the month?Why do I have to wait til the very end for it?Life is soooo unfair.

:-(